After putting aside 2019 and all the bitterness that came with it, now it’s time to think about what I am going to do in this new year.
As mentioned in my previous post, 2019 was a horrible year for me and the only certain thing I know by now is that I do not want to feel as I felt in the previous year.
I want to go back to my old me, physically (quite a hard challenge) and most of all mentally.
In order to do this I will not set high expectations for 2020. My well-being is most important thing that will help me out reaching my goals in another stage of life.
So what is that I want from this year?
- Be kind to myself. I want to appreciate more the little things I do right instead of focusing and what I did wrong. I have to start appreciating the good things that I do and celebrate them.
- Take time for myself and my hobbies. If I am happy, the people around me are happy. Therefore, in order to be happy I have to dedicate part of my time to my own activities and hobbies. As mentioned already, is not that I haven’t done it in the past year but I was not really enjoying the time I took for myself. Currently, the list of things that I want to focus on is quite long and obviously too long considering the responsibilities I have. I will keep all these activities (singing, knitting, decorating, crafting etc..) as part of my list and let time decide what actually matter to me.
- Be satisfied about my achievements : This one is one of the hardest for me. I am a perfectionist and we all know that perfection does not exist. If and when I am satisfied about something that I do, I always add “but..” at the end. Meaning I am not really satisfied. I guess that this, in the long run, led me to my current situation. Somehow I am not able to see the bigger picture and actually convince myself that, as small it might be, it is indeed an achievement and something that I actually managed to do. I know, I am too hard on myself but it’s hard to change people’s mind and most of all our own and the idea we have about ourselves.
- Taking care of my health: I guess this is quite challenging too considering that by health I mean physically and mentally. First of all I hope that all those points above would help me feeling better and be happier. I will also proceed with therapy to guide me in this healing process. Then I would have to actually do something about my body. I am really unsatisfied about it even before having my son. Well, at least I stopped crying inside the changing rooms! I still don’t like to buy new clothes but it’s getting better. I haven’t tried that hard, I know. I cancelled my annual subscription to the gym because it was more about the stress trying to go there than the actual enjoyment of being there. I also tried (not too hard) to exercise at home but, to be honest, I just didn’t feel motivates. This sounds like a contradiction, I know , and partially it is. But I think I reached a point were I just have to accept the way I look now or do something about it. And here I am. I kind of got less motivated when I realised that all my friends that had kids recently were slim, lost weight and looking even better than before having kids. I was like “What the hell did I do wrong?”. When I asked how they managed to be so fit and slim, the answer was almost always the same “Oh, nothing. You know, breastfeeding, lack of sleep, chasing the kid around..”. Wasn’t I doing the same?! .
There are so many other thing that I would like to add to the list but I will stop here. I think these are key points for my year. If I managed to do all of them, everything else will turn just fine on its own.
I just hope to read this words at the end of the year and be happy and proud about myself.
I hope to hear more about anyone that it’s in my same situation. I can assure you that it’s better talking about it.