When do I see my mom..

My therapist made me write when do I see my mom in my daily life. Here is what I wrote over 15 mins breastfeeding session on Monday morning:

I see my mother again in Olimpia's expressions, when she is serious or puzzled and when she is smiling.
I see my mother again every time I think about the efforts I make for my children and the tiredness I feel and how good she made me feel.
I think of my mother often when I reflect of the lightness with which I spend money on my children and I only now realise that my mother never had that lightness but never pointed it out to me.
I think of her when I would need more help with the kids or would even want time for myself. I think about how she would take a flight to come help me, every time, never hesitating and sometimes without even being asked.
I think about how she would deal with the grandkids and me and the laughs we would have.
I think of my mother every time I hear Tiziano Ferro, Masini and Venditti and I sing like we used to sing in that little fucsia car.
I see my mother again in my body, even if hers was much better, and I think 'geez, did you have to give me everything?!'

Ps: My mother was 16 and pregnant of me in this picture. 

Original version in Italian:

Rivedo mia madre nelle espressioni di Olimpia, quando è seria o perplessa e quando sorridere. 
Rivedo mia madre ogni volta che penso agli sforzi che faccio per i miei figli e alla stanchezza che provo ed a quanto lei mi ha fatto stare bene.
Ripenso a mia madre spesso quando penso alla leggerezza con cui spendo per i miei figli e mi rendo conto solo ora che mia madre quella leggerezza non l’ha mai avuta ma non me l’ha mai fatto notare. 
Penso a lei quando avrei bisogno di più aiuto con i bambini o vorrei anche solo del tempo per me. Penso a come prenderebbe un volo per venire ad aiutarmi, ogni volta, senza mai esitare e talvolta senza neanche che gli venga chiesto. 
Penso a come si sarebbe comportata con i nipotini e con me ed alle risate che avremmo fatto. 
Penso a mia madre ogni volta che sento Tiziano Ferro, Masini e Venditti e canto come cantavamo in quella macchinina fucsia. 
Rivendo mia madre nel mio corpo, anche se il suo era molto meglio, e penso ‘cavolo, ma proprio tutto mi dovevi dare?!’

One thought on “When do I see my mom..

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  1. I think of her when I would need more help with the kids or would even want time for myself. I think about how she would take a flight to come help me, every time, never hesitating and sometimes without even being asked. I think about how she would deal with the grandkids and me and the laughs we would have.”

    Ahhh, I feel you. Your post brought tears in my eyes.

    V V sre., 2. feb. 2022 ob 22:14 je oseba Hello Carol napisala:

    > Carol Martinez posted: ” My therapist made me write when do I see my mom > in my daily life. Here is what I wrote over 15 mins breastfeeding session > on Monday morning: I see my mother again in Olimpia’s expressions, when she > is serious or puzzled and when she is smiling. I see ” >

    Like

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